The Tsunami and Pearl Harbor

Now, I guess that there have been a few people out there that are crediting God with the earthquake in Japan as payback for Pearl Harbor. Yes, the bombing that happened in 1941...69 years ago.

There are a few things wrong with this, obviously, I mean double obviously, or obviously squared, 1) The people saying these things are too damn young to know anything about the war, 2) God has some misplaced priorities if this is his way of proxy vengeance.

First, a little math problem, if you were in the service at the time of the war, 18 or so, and you add the subsequent 69 years to get to the present, you get 87. You would have to be 87 years old to have first hand experience with the bombing of Pearl Harbor. In between bouts of pudding mess and continually fighting off the ravages and wrinkles of age, the Pearl Harbor vets probably were not hoping for long delayed revenge on an otherwise useful and peaceful ally. In fact they probably recall that they were on other boats and planes that rained down get-even juice on those silly Japs.

I know lots of seniors old enough to remember the war and they don’t hate Japanese people, they’re to busy working on still breathing to hate. It’s only the young and, in all likelihood, mentally impaired that appear to blame the devastation on God’s incredibly belated Pearl Harbor vengeance. Which does not give me much hope for this country, or at least little hope for Facebook and Twitter users.

Onto the second point, If this is God's way of getting back at Japan for Pearl Harbor, that's kinda fucked up. I guess it's not in a biblical sense, the good book is full of bad shit. Like destroying towns and first born sons and all that. I guess the destruction of a large swath of an industrialized nation that the United States heavily depends on falls right in line with all that pillar of salt vengeance. But here's where it gets screwface, the Japanese quake will cost Japan in excess of 100 Billion dollars, that's billion with an obvious "B". Not to mention the tens of thousands dead, many of which continue to wash up on the beaches implying a drowning death. (Now, I haven't been water-boarded, but I imagine being drowned by a tsunami is pretty much God's water-boarding.) If we compare that to Pearl Harbor, 2,400 dead, you can start to see the order of magnitude difference. Oh, and as vice magazine kindly pointed out, and which should be fucking obvious even if your only knowledge comes from half-baked fact bereft high school history books, Like Inspektah Deck, we proceeded to bomb atomically the shit out of the land of the rising mushroom cloud. There we go, no need for God, we can doll out our own atomic death vengeance thank you very much.

BUT, in the vocal idiot minority didn't feel that was enough, they thought, "man I know we vaporized the shit out of them, but if only god would step in also." and possibly 69 years later. However, I don’t see us getting “punished” for Panama (est. 2,500 dead), Grenada (Est. 200 dead), Haiti or countless other small Christian countries. Not even a rancid pussy fart has escaped the crotch of a god-fearing American which could be categorized as vengeance. Nothing. Maybe God must favor America if he’s wreaking vengeance over stale conflicts and forgotten dead. If this God only favors America you can have him back, I don’t want that God that only favors the impoverishment of millions, for the benefit of the prick few.

If God loves the United States so, he should smite a fucking hedge fund manager with a very expensive falling piano, and use the left behind millions to buy the people of Appalachia toothbrushes. He should cancerize (I made this word up, but I think you get it) the proselytizing hate mongers who shit on god’s gift of reason, and tell the congregation to hold onto that 10%, maybe use it to plant some trees. At the least he should take the Tsunami=Pearl Harbor Vengeance crowd and smite them by water-boarding their bodies through sucking them through toilets a la Goulies, ground the brain dead haters to mulch, and transport said mulch to Japan to use as top soil for the washed away farm land. I’ll make a deal with God, if he does that last one, I’ll believe and use 10% of my money to plant some trees.